


How Could It Be?

by opalheart12



Category: Sleepy Hollow (TV)
Genre: Afterlife, Death, F/M, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 04:11:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9106120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/opalheart12/pseuds/opalheart12
Summary: Ichabod Crane lost the other half of himself. At an untold point in time, he reflects on himself and the one he lost.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The deaths of Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds are gutwrenching and remind us all that death by broken heart is real. I woke up this morning with the need to write this. I hope you can take some sort of peace from it as I chose to make it about Ichabbie and what we were denied in Abbie's death: grief. Please enjoy this.

I did not run after you.

  
I watched as you left this plane and moved on to the next, unphased as you always were.

  
The shock stayed with me, and many mornings I have awakened, reaching out in hopes that you were there, screaming every instant I find nothing.

  
There was no body to bury. There was no part of you left. I could pretend that you only disappeared, that you would come back any day to take my hand in yours and apologize for such a cruel trick.

  
I miss you in ways no one in all of history could possibly miss another.

  
Somewhere, you laugh because you find it absurd that I could say such a thing. But, I knew you. I knew you to the smallest, most atomic part of you.

  
I knew you on a cosmic level.

  
My heart has been decimated, any functioning chamber leaving the nanosecond you did. Even a fraction could be restored if I could only hear your voice again.

  
I am a coward.

  
I gladly await whatever punishment that could be given to a person who had no courage to go after the only person they’d ever loved in this life. For what reward could there be for someone like me? I denied your love and this penalty is worse than death.

  
I am calling to you.

  
Can you hear it?

  
I am coming to you.

  
Can you feel it?

  
I hope against all hope that you could encircle me with your love and wrap me tight in your heart, holding me hostage or for safekeeping. It matters to me no longer.

  
You are everywhere and nowhere.

  
I feel you as I slide now between planes the same way you did. The time went along glacially, the natural world returning to its order, as if your absence had not affected it on a cellular level as it had me.

  
Your smile is warm, filling all the cold parts of me. Your eyes are bright, lighting all the dark parts of me. Your arms are strong, protecting all the weak parts of me. Your heart is a home, giving rest to all the tired parts of me.

  
How could it be?

  
How could it be that in all of the universe your soul chose me? I wonder what part of you believed me worthy of your love and energy.

  
You laugh now as your soul reaches out to mine. “You were not long for that world.” Your voice is angelic and I am tempted to check for the presence of wings.

  
“I came as soon as I could.” I shudder and your hands ghost over my face, electric pulses passing from your skin to my own, as if you could love me back from the abyss of losing you.

  
How could it be?

  
It certainly felt like eternity. No up, no down. No day, no night. No light, no dark. Eternity simply was. It, like you, existed without explanation.

  
I ask that you forgive me and you pass one hand into mine. I ask that you love me and your heart touches mine. I ask that you take me with you wherever you go; I will follow you anywhere in this new cosmic lifetime.


End file.
